Call No Man Father, Part 2

In my work-in-progress on living with divine affirmation, I want to address how the “good-enough-for-God” life impacts our desire to have others follow us and how we treat those we follow. If you didn’t read part 1 last week, I’d recommend you read it first HERE. Nate Larkin helped shape my thoughts on this matter, and I’d be interested to know whether you agree with his thoughts in this post.

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Nate Larkin believes that assuming the role of a “father figure” at his church set him up for all kinds of spiritual rot, including sexual addiction. Trying to live up to the demands of being a spiritual father buried him and sent his soul crashing toward a momentary “escape” that became an imprisoning cesspool. The cascading numbers of “fallen” Christian celebrities should at least lead us to ask, what if it’s not spiritually healthy to have that kind of authority and following? What if the very thing these men and women seek and wear themselves out to attain is what ruins them?

Nate’s sexual addiction brought humiliation, but the humiliation proved to be the gateway to spiritual health. Freed from the shackles of maintaining a father figure others should emulate, Nate could focus on integrity, authenticity, and substance. “The most powerful proof of God’s existence was the transformation that was taking place in my character. As I identified my defects and surrendered them to God, I could feel myself becoming progressively less self-centered, less defensive, less resentful and afraid. I was becoming more honest, more loving, more fully present in my own life and the lives of others.”[i]

He was, in God’s eyes, much more mature and solid as a recovering addict than he had ever been as a seemingly pristine senior pastor. His depth and maturity soon attracted numerous men who pined for Nate’s time. Nate initially thought that sharing his sexual addiction would crater his ministry, but now it was spawning a new one, in fact an even bigger one. But this, too, threatened to undo him. Nate had all the struggling guys talk to him, but he wasn’t encouraging them to talk to each other. Why? “I didn’t encourage guys to call each other because I believed that I was the one with the answers. I was the daddy. And now it seemed that I was willing to compromise my own authenticity in order to protect the prestige of my position.”[ii]

Even after once having been set up for ruin by trying to become “father,” Nate was tempted to go back to that very same pursuit. Humility slides off us like rain runs down a freshly waxed car. The very moment we stop defining ourselves in relation to God and start defining ourselves in relation to others is the moment we leave the good-enough-for-God life.