Getting at the Core Message Behind Sacred Marriage's, "What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?"

When I updated Sacred Marriage in 2015, Gateway Bible asked me a few questions that I appreciated receiving, as answering them helped readers get into the core message.  

Here are the questions I answer:

"What's the real meaning behind that subtitle?" 

"What unique challenges do you think today's younger generation face in their marriages?" 

"For Christians who are having a hard time getting along with their spouse, what is the best advice you can give that will help them find peace in their situation and see improvement?" 

"What impact has this book had on the church at large?"

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1. There are many books written by Christians on marriage. But your book takes a unique approach: what if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? This will be a new idea to many and some will even be put off by it. What do you mean by this statement?

Let me state first what I don’t mean: I don’t mean that happiness and holiness are competitors. On the contrary, I agree with John Wesley that only those who pursue holiness will find true happiness. No addict is truly happy. No man who isn’t in control of his anger is going to be happy. No woman who is gripped by materialism is happy. The nature of God and righteousness is such that holiness is the doorway to true, lasting happiness.

When Sacred Marriage first came out, so many Christian books on marriage simply “baptized” the world’s aims when it came to marriage: “Apply these biblical principles and you’ll have a better, happier, marriage.” I wanted to look at marriage in light of spiritual formation: how God uses this fundamental relationship between a man and woman to help us live a more authentic life in Christ. But that means we have to get rid of lesser motivations.  Jesus didn’t say, “Come to me and I’ll make you happier as you do the things you’ve always done, believe the things you’ve always believed, and desire the things you’ve always desired.” He said, “Take up your cross—die to yourselves—and follow me.” We should do entirely different things, we will believe entirely different beliefs, we will desire different desires—if indeed, we are surrendering to the work of the Spirit in our lives. And that should certainly apply in our marriages.