Great Sorrow and Unceasing Anguish

I love to live in and preach on the joy of the Lord. But Jesus described himself as a "man of sorrows." Paul talked about his "great sorrow and unceasing anguish." Parents whose children have gone astray, or those who have loved ones who do not yet believe, can find comfort in Paul's words and experience. The Christian life is, by nature, a life of tremendous joy. We hear about that all the time. But the Bible also warns us to expect times of great sorrow and unceasing anguish. Knowing this ahead of time can draw us closer to Christ rather than lead us to resent him for not removing the trial.

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The challenge with talking to brokenhearted parents is that having adult children who are hurting or in rebellion isn’t like surviving a car accident or even a heart attack—a one-time horrific event that you can immediately start healing from. It’s more like being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis or early-onset Parkinson’s in that the injury is ongoing. The attack is happening to you even as you read these words. I’m so sorry, parent. I wish we were talking about a past injury and how you could “get over it,” but I know many of you feel like you’re still bleeding in the ICU.

Thanks be to God, he has made provision for our ongoing sorrow and even our unceasing anguish. Sometimes we think that if we really love the Lord, it’s not appropriate to live with sorrow and certainly not with anguish. Shouldn’t he just heal us and make everything better? Or why can’t we just get over whatever is bugging us? Why can’t we just live in the joy of the Lord?

But even the apostle Paul lived with a deep wound, and it’s not entirely unfair to call that wound a parental one. Someone Paul loved very much would not surrender to the truth and love of Jesus: “I speak the truth in Christ—I am not lying, my conscience confirms it through the Holy Spirit— I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my people, those of my own race, the people of Israel” (Romans 9:1-4a).

Paul’s paternal love and passion for the nation of Israel meant that though he had visited heaven, though he had seen Jesus in a vision, though he lived with a level of spiritual power and insight that few have ever known (and perhaps no one ever has or will, other than Jesus), yet he wasn’t always “happy.” His sorrow was “great” and his anguish was “unceasing” because someone he loved very much wasn’t responding to Jesus. Paul even wished he could be cut off—i.e., damned—in their place.

Many, many Christian parents feel this way about their children. “Dear God, take me instead! Just please, save my children.”

You needn’t feel guilty over the sorrow and anguish you feel. Both are demonstrations of your love and spiritual health. It’s just like Satan to engineer the biggest hurt you could imagine—wooing one or more of your children away from God—and then make you feel guilty that you can’t “get over it.”

Of course you can’t!