Hope for My Hurting Heart

Last year, I mentioned an upcoming book by Linda Dillow. Here’s what I wrote as an endorsement:

“Hope for My Hurting Heart is a treasure and a veritable spiritual

feast! If you read one devotional book this year, make it this one.

If you lead one book study with a small group, choose to go

through this one. Even the heartbreaking stories of faith inspire,

challenge, convict, and bless. Linda’s seasoned faith invites us

into a deeper intimacy with God and a trust in him that will

stand the trials of life. This is Linda’s magnum opus after a

lifetime of writing substantive, enlightening books.”

We’ve been given permission to give you just a small taste of the book (now available) in this week’s blog post. I hope many of you will order the entire book (see the link at the end).

---

Crystal and her husband, Doug, were living their dream as “cowboy” missionaries in Alaska. Doug was the horsemanship director at Victory Bible Camp, teaching lessons, leading trail rides, and caring for more than twenty-five horses. Crystal cared for their four sons, worked with the wranglers, and helped in the camp kitchen. Their sons were in boy heaven—mountains for their back yard, a small school, horses to ride, and wide-open spaces to explore.

Everything came to a screeching halt the day Doug had a supposedly “not difficult” surgery on his brain. After that surgery, his brain worked fine, but his entire body had shut down. He lost his ability to walk, speak, or eat. The family had to move to Kansas and learn a whole new way of living.

When Crystal describes her life, she pictures Doug and her as a lovely green vase. In Alaska, the vase overflowed with roses, tulips, and sunflowers. “We had purpose and a beautiful ministry that blessed others.” But Doug’s surgery punctured a huge hole in the vase. Other cracks appeared:

Moving from Alaska to Kansas . . . crack!

Financial strain due to medical bills and Doug’s inability to work . . . crack!

Designing a wheelchair-access home to meet Doug’s needs. . .crack!

Boys adjusting to a new community/school . . . crack!

Physical exhaustion of being on call 24/7 . . . crack!

Doug learning to live with many limitations . . . crack!

Their entire family suffered terribly. Crystal had many long talks with God. One went like this.

Crystal: God, could you please, please smooth over these cracks and holes and make this vase useable again?

God: The cracks and holes are how I radiate through you. The holes make you holy.

Crystal: Okay. So, I guess that’s a no. Well, then, could you please heal Doug just a little so he could have some form of normal function?

God: I have a different plan.

Crystal: Really? What could be better than healing him? That’s what we want. Wouldn’t that bring you glory?

God: Trust my plan.

Crystal: Okay, God. Your plan doesn’t make sense to me. But if this is what will glorify you most, then Doug says yes. I say yes.

What does Doug’s “yes” look like?

Doug starts his day by listening to the Bible for an hour (he’s on his twenty-second listening through the entire Bible since his surgery), and then he spends the rest of the morning hours praying for specific people. In the afternoon, Doug writes for one or two hours, using a special app on his iPad that allows him to select one word at a time from a pop-up menu. Using this painfully slow process, he has written eight (yes—eight!) little books.

Doug’s life is beyond hard. He can smell food, but he can’t eat it. He has things to say, but he can’t speak. His brain works great, but he can’t communicate, even with the wife he loves. He longs for heaven every day, but he chooses to live God’s purposes for his life while he is here. Crystal never dreamed that she would be a 24/7 caretaker for the man she loves. She takes him to the bathroom, gives him showers, puts food into his feeding tube every two hours, transfers him to each place that he needs to be, and talks for him. Does she weary of the routine? Of course! There have been times when she’s wondered, Why am I not completely falling apart? How am I still able to exist through this? That, she believes, is God’s grace. And because of that, both Doug and Crystal can have joy in the midst of the difficult journey.

I asked Crystal several questions to help me better understand how she finds encouragement from God in this long struggle:

How do you encourage yourself in the Lord?

It’s interesting—now that my old life has been taken from me, my time with Him has become more valuable and purposeful. I love God’s Word. I feed on it—it’s literally daily bread to my spirit. Each day I read from both the Old and New Testaments, and I am memorizing 1 John, which speaks of God’s love for me. Also, I take a morning prayer walk each day for about an hour. This helps keeps my body in shape, but it also keeps my spirit in shape because it’s always a rich time with the Holy Spirit.

What do you do when the hardship of life overwhelms you?

When I feel overwhelmed, I write each frustration on a piece of paper. Then I picture Jesus sitting in front of me with outstretched hands. I put the pieces of paper into His hands, and He says, “I’ve got this.” Immediately the weight of worry lifts from my shoulders.

Sometimes, though, I get so angry that instead of handing Jesus the scraps of paper, I wad them up and throw them at Him. I feel like God has asked too much of me! But Jesus just sits there, calmly accepting whatever I bombard Him with. Then He tells me, “Crystal, let go and let me have it all.”

Crystal and Doug, if you could say anything to the people reading this book, what would you say?

Crystal: During those years when we lived as missionaries in Alaska, I felt like we were ‘in the game.’ But God has been helping us see that in Alaska we were only on the sidelines preparing for the game—now we’re in the game. In Alaska, our lives were about us and what we wanted. Breaking news here: it is not about you, and it is not about me. It’s about what God wants to do in our lives. It’s about how God wants to use us.

Doug: As my physical world has gotten smaller, God has gotten bigger. We try to fit God into our lives rather than make our lives fit into God. It’s not about us, it’s about God.

Doug’s response makes me think of Max Lucado’s hard question: “Is there any chance, any possibility, that you have been selected to struggle for God’s glory?”

We don’t want to answer that question, do we? But Doug and Crystal answered yes. They could have decided to believe that God abandoned them and let them down. But instead they turned to God for encouragement in their long struggle. Because they nestled down in God’s plan for them, they are at peace. Crystal encourages herself in the Lord daily, and so does her dear Doug. God is their hiding place. As Lucado writes, “Your faith in the face of suffering cranks up the volume of God’s song.”

Encouragement Flows Forward

Jesus says, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. The one who believes in Me . . . ‘from his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.’” (John 7:38, NASB) When I look at my friends Crystal and Doug, I see the Holy Spirit flowing His living waters to them and through them in a long, hard situation. But amazingly, these rivers now flow through them to many others. This is what receiving God’s encouragement to us in our pain can do: we who are encouraged then become conduits of encouragement.

Recently Crystal shared this news: “Oh, Linda, God is so good! He’s given me two wonderful new opportunities. I’m now on staff with Thrive Ministry and mentoring women missionaries over Zoom. Also, Doug and I are speaking at women’s retreats.”

I asked, “How does Doug speak?”

Crystal laughed and said that while she did the speaking, Doug sat in his wheelchair in the back of the room and prayed—and when he wanted certain thoughts shared with the women, she’d put on a cowboy hat and speak as if she were her cowboy husband.

“Linda, I’m so glad that God is using our pain to encourage others,” she said. “This encourages us!”

Isn’t that what encouragement is all about? As we read in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, (ESV),

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

The words in David’s heart journal have comforted millions down through the centuries! Martin Luther, the great reformer, took great encouragement from Psalm 46. Look at these verses, which speak of encouragement and comfort:

“God is our refuge and a strength, a very ready help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1, NASB

“Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

**Gary’s note: there’s so much more practical help and biblical inspiration in this chapter, but publishers limit acceptable excerpts. If you’d like more, I encourage to get the entire book:

*Affiliate link in post*