The Parent's Road Back to Serenity

I'm sharing more of my work in progress on when Christian parents hurt. Since it is very much a work in progress, all comments, including constructive criticism--are welcome. If you have something to add, if there's something that is worded awkwardly or insensitively, please let me know. 

This post is about how we come to grips with our failure as parents and what that means for moving forward. How can you maintain positive mental health in the face of your disappointment or adult child's continued rejection?

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I’ve spoken to so many truly distressed, anxious and guilty parents that I want to suggest a process to go from harried and stressed out to peaceful and hopeful. It can happen. Our God is that powerful.

Romans 12:2 tells us to be transformed “by the renewing of our minds.” Spiritual health is found when we think about God accurately, ourselves differently, the process of parenting differently, and our children more perceptively.

Dr. Joshua Coleman, in his book When Parents Hurt, offers some helpful steps and progressions parents can work through to evaluate their thinking, so that, in essence, the caterpillar can become a butterfly. I’m using Coleman’s steps but adding my own commentary.

1. “Fearlessly take responsibility for whatever ways that you have contributed to the problems in your relationship with your child or your children.”

The Christian virtue of humility calls us to, in everything, take ownership of our sins and limitations. We can do this fearlessly because we know we have a savior, and we know we don’t have to defend ourselves in order to be in right standing with Him and enjoy that salvation.

We don’t have to be a perfect parent to be loved and accepted by God. So that should open us up to freely admitting our mistakes. The fact that we made some mistakes doesn’t mean that we also didn’t have some great moments. We’re just admitting with our children that we weren’t and aren’t perfect.