Unlearning Family First, Part 2

The Challenging Way Jesus Talked About Family

This is the second post from a chapter in progress from the book The Art of Unlearning. We started last week looking at unlearning family first, and learning instead the primacy of Father God. It’s possible and ruinous to make earthly families idols. Ironically, the best way to love our families is to get our spiritual priorities in order. Particularly for this chapter, I think it’s crucial to read it in context, so you can read part one first HERE if you haven’t read it already.

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Holy Hatred

Jesus had a lot of work to do when he unleashed—in a Jewish culture no less—the thought that a family’s favor can’t even be compared to the importance of God’s favor. This “act of unlearning” was as radical and subversive then as it is today. “Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: ‘If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple’” (Luke 14:25-27).

The Greek word for “hate” here (miseo) is typical Semitic hyperbole. Jesus is not telling us to hate our family members as people think of hating their enemies—a passionate desire to harm them. When enemies of our faith try to insist that Jesus is teaching hate here because the Greek word miseo really does mean hate, remember that Jesus spoke Aramaic, not Greek. Miseo is what Luke chose to use to translate whatever Jesus actually said in Aramaic into the Greek language. Also keep in mind that when Jesus urges us to have the same miseo toward our own lives he is also making it as clear as possible that he never means do ourselves or our family intentional harm or even to bear them ill will. That’s not the kind of “hate” Jesus is talking about.

On the other hand, saying miseo means no more than “love them less than we love God” probably isn’t strong enough either. There’s a reason Luke chose this word. He didn’t want to dampen the seriousness or the shock of what Jesus was saying. “Unlearning” here wouldn’t happen with a soft or polite word; the new world and life Jesus is calling us to here required something bold, strong, and even shocking.

Thus, miseo.

God’s kingdom, work, relationship, and favor must become so important to us, so enthralling, and so primary that nothing else is even a consideration in comparison. That’s what we must learn. Far from making us less loving toward our family, putting God first enables us to truly love our families—faithfully and sacrificially.