Unlearning Independence

Learning the Value of Neediness

If God decided to create a perfect day for people to run the Munich Marathon, he outdid himself on October 11, 2016. The weather was in the low 50s with a marvelously gentle sun, accompanied by low humidity and no wind, a dream day to enjoy 26.2 miles on foot.

It felt so perfect I thought I could drink a good bit less than I needed to (I was on a fool’s errand to—for the first of 13 previous tries—not have to stop at a porta potty over the course of an entire marathon), which made me dehydrate so badly near mile 24 that I would have committed a crime to simply wet my throat.

As my thirst became ever more desperate, I scanned spectators and wondered what would happen if I begged (in English) for a sip of water from their open bottles. Would that be too gross? But finally, about a mile before the finish line, I saw the sign “Wasser” and stumbled toward the table. I don’t know how long I spent at that table, but it still wasn’t enough. My head was screaming, “Why are you stopping so close to the finish line?” while my throat was saying, “Emergency! Emergency! Nothing matters more than water!”

That day was one of a million reminders in my life of how desperately, embarrassingly needy I can be. Water is mostly free. It’s a part of this earth. But going a few hours without enough and I was reduced to a begging, desperate, potentially amoral being.

I used to be ashamed of this neediness. My ideal person was a stoic, unmoved by anything, able to deny himself whatever he needed for however long it took. I needed to “unlearn” that neediness is shameful because in fact it is a mark of deep faith. Life changed dramatically for me when I realized God wants us to be needy. Neediness is God’s creational design for our existence. The problem isn’t our needs; the problem is where we go to get our needs met.