Was I a Bad Parent? Part 1

When an adult child goes astray, the most common question I hear as a pastor is, "Was I a bad parent?" We tend to take responsibility for our adult children's faith or lack thereof, even though I believe Scripture refutes any such notion. The challenge is that every one of us could have been better parents. I mean, who thinks they were perfect as parents? And how good is good enough? So guilt has many places to lodge while it condemns us, accuses us, and discourages us. This will be a two-part post, as the discussion is a long one. Today's post seeks just to answer the question, "Was I a bad parent," with verses that say "not necessarily." In the coming months, we'll need to help parents come to terms with genuine failings, but for now, let's just do our best at answering this first and most pressing question. (Of course, the good news is that because of the love and power of Jesus, even if we were bad parents, that doesn't put any child outside of God's reach.)

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Arianna was heartsick over the moral choices her adult son was making. Even more heartrending was his answer when Arianna asked him where he saw Jesus in all of this.

“I’m having to rethink that,” her son said. “I’ve had questions about Jesus for some time.”

Those are the most painful words Arianna has ever heard. Her son’s behavior was one thing, but losing his faith in Jesus? That was something else entirely.

Arianna launched into a self-directed diatribe about where she had gone wrong as a mother. Maybe she should have homeschooled him? Maybe she let him get too busy with sports and didn’t emphasize faith quite enough?

It’s difficult, as a pastor, to break the sad news that loving Jesus with all your heart, raising your children in a solid church, and taking time at home to instill the basics of the faith doesn’t guarantee any particular outcome. We’re not programming computers. We’re raising young women and men made in the image of God, and that image centers around the ability to make choices.